Bikram break...

I feel like Bikram yoga and I were on a break for the past 2-3 weeks, but now I want to recommit. The weather has turned chilly here in Seattle so the hot room feels so nice these days.
In other news, I think I might be the only tattoo-free person at ye olde yoga studio. My 'costume' would look so much better with a strategically placed tattoo methinks. My birthday is in January so maybe it's time for a tattoo...

cold yoga

Did a vinyasa class yesterday. It was interesting. It was also the longest 75 minutes of my life. I have some weird aches and pains today, but overall my body handled all of the down dogs fairly well. However the room the class was held in (a room at the gym I've joined for the next two months) didn't have a clock. The class just sort of ebbed and flowed - I couldn't detect any real pattern to it. There was a point where I thought it would never end... and finally it did. Tonight I did a spin/strength class. I was in pain by the end. I miss my Bikram!

I'm an a**hole (but not really)

Practiced with my mom last Sunday. It was a great class - hot but not too hot, crowded but not too crowded, challenging but not too challenging. Then I practiced again on Monday. It felt off because the room wasn't hot enough. I felt like a real Bikram yogini the first time I thought the room wasn't hot enough :) But really there is a point where the lack of heat makes it hard to bend and the whole thing just feels wrong. So Tuesday I walk to class and think, "I hope it's hot enough in class tonight!" AND I WAS NEARLY KILLED BY THE HEAT! And I cursed myself during class because of course I blamed myself for the excessive heat. The heat was so excessive that when the instructor realized the heat was excessive, she opened the door AND IT DIDN'T HELP! She turned the fans on - IT DIDN'T HELP. She opened the doors again - IT DIDN'T HELP. The room was possessed. And it was my fault! (not really)
Anyway, that was a horrible class and I haven't practiced since. Sometimes a girl just needs some friend time and couch time and treadmill time!

yogups and yogdowns...

Can I tell you a secret? I haven't been on my mat much at all. I practiced today and yesterday but I'm not sure when I practiced before that. It may have been last month. I did go out of town twice. But that's not a great excuse.
Class last night was so incredibly hot. It challenged my body and my mind. Just when I was at the point where I had completely had it with class, my teacher bent down and said, "Would you like me to stand on your feet?" Of course I said yes because when someone offers to stand on your sweaty feet, you can't say no. And it felt amazing and it was just nice and kind and all of those good things that I don't have enough of in my life right now.
Class tonight was fine. When I walked in, one of the instructors called out, "Hey (nickname based on my last name)" which again was a bit of random kindness that I really appreciated. I do have friends who call me that, but sometimes the yoga studio gets a bit earnest so it was nice to have that friendly welcome.
I've done some soul searching and a bit of a life inventory and quite frankly, I'm not satisfied. I first did Bikram yoga almost 4 years ago after a life change event and I've been struggling through some of the same crap since then. I DON'T WANT TO KEEP DEALING WITH THE SAME ISSUES. It's time for self-help and this time it's coming in the form of a book called Happy Yoga: 7 Reasons Why There's Nothing to Worry About. I think this is a fairly profound book especially considering the kind of silly title. I'm only part way through but so far it's part buddhism, part new age and part common sense. In the chapter on love, it talks about putting love out there to people who you don't know... so I feel the need to give a little shoutout to my internet yoga family. : hugs yogis and yoginis : Wishing you loads of yoga and non-yoga happiness this week!

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Didn't make it to my mat today. Could only make it as far as the workout room in my building for 3 miles on the treadmill. Everything is fine and yet everything is not fine. It seems to have officially turned to fall here in Seattle and it's hitting me hard. In my new-ish neighborhood/life, I drive way less which means that the change in weather impacts me more. Had to wear rain boots on my walk to work this morning, it was dark soon after I got home this evening. There are many fine things to do inside in the evenings like yoga for example and crafting and drinking wine and curling up with a good book, but I'm not ready to say goodbye to summer and sunshine. I don't want another season to pass.
I should have made it to my mat today. Oh well - it will still be there for me tomorrow.

good yoga + crazy smoothies

Finally had my good yoga class. It was yesterday and it was glorious. I felt strong and bendy!
Got back on my mat today and it wasn't as good as yesterday. Earlier in the day today, I felt like a tense, stressed out ball of anxiety and that doesn't exactly lead to good yoga. But I feel better now and I got some thinking done in the yoga room. I almost cried during locust pose. I felt sorry for myself and thought some very negative thoughts, but I left it on my mat and then after class it was CRAZY SMOOTHIE TIME!
I used to often make a signature dish I called my crasian (crazy asian) stir fry - it was a pan-asian stir fry of my own devising. Now I have moved on to crazy smoothies! Today's creation featured grapefruit juice, frozen strawberries, a bit of cut up orange, half a banana, spinach from a bag and a dash of honey. Not bad. Not bad at all.

well that was unpleasant + everything zen?

I really deserve to have a fantastic yoga class after all of the terrible ones I've had lately. But it did not happen tonight. Yes, I have myself to blame for part of it. I did not hydrate well today. And I ate a lunch that did not settle particularly well. That left me feeling both dehydrated and like I was possibly going to shit myself in class today. I sat out A LOT of second sets during the standing series. Oh well. I survived and made a crazy delicious smoothie after class consisting of grapefruit juice, orange, strawberries, spinach and a splash of honey. It was nomtastic!

In other news, THE MAN is coming to the Seattle area. His lecture ain't cheap - $60 in advance or $70 at the door. I saw one of my fave teachers at the studio today and asked him if he thinks it's worth it. He said that he paid ten grand to hear him speak at teacher training. If you do the math, that makes the $60 seem like a pretty good deal :) I'm not sure whether I will end up going or not. I've been trying to cut my spending these days and focus on being calm and creative and just content with my 'real' life. I'm not sure that spending $60 to see Bikram really fits in with that. I'm probably thinking too deeply about this. Also the 90s band BUSH is coming to Seattle as well and that's $40 once all the ticket fees are included and my inner teenager really wants me to go! Everything zen? I DON'T THINK SOOOOOOOOOOO....

angry yogi - part deux

Holy bad yoga class, batman! Seriously. It was bad. I came into class not well hydrated, it was hot as hades and there were about 15 new people and one was super disruptive. I was on the hot side of the room and I was having thoughts like, "Who do I have to blow to get the ceiling fans turned on???" It was not one of my prouder moments. It's kinda funny to look back on though :)
What did I learn from tonight? Well, it's always good to bring an emergency snack to yoga in case you're feeling like crap on the way home. I like the Honey Stinger Pomegranate chews. I also realized that this practice has it's ups and downs. It is a physical practice but it's also a mental one. I like to think that I left something negative on my mat that won't have to be with me in the rest of my life.
Hopefully you were able to be a little more zen in your practice today :)

sporadic

In this case, I'm using the word sporadic to refer to my blogging and in a lesser degree, my Bikram practice. I've been practicing 2-3 times a week. Not exactly where I want to be - I would prefer to be at 4ish times a week, but you know how it is. Life tends to get in the way of yoga.
There have been a few bloggable yoga moments. Last week, I was in class and it was hot and it sucked and my inner angry yogi came out. It amused me a bit because I hadn't experience angry yogi in a while. Bored yogi is way more common than angry yogi. I was seriously pissed off at the teacher because she kept us in a couple of postures for so damn long! You know how it is when you've been practicing for a while - you have an idea of what a legit length of time to be in the posture is... and once you go past that, either you feel like a super strong rock star or you get angry! Again it made me want to check the schedule a little more carefully because clearly this teacher isn't for me if she brings out the angry yogi!
I think I have finally figured out a water bottle situation that works for me. I've blogged about the water or no water thing here before in the past, but I have realized that what works for me right now is to consume a small amount of icy cold water during class. I tried doing water without ice, but I would look longingly at others in the yoga room with ice and that seemed a bit dumb. I do feel better when I drink less so having a huge bottle full of icy water doesn't really work for me either - too tempting. What I do now is that I fill up my water bottle at home with just ice. Ice all the way to the top. The melting of the ice is a natural rationing system. I can't drink a ton of water during party time because there isn't a ton of water there to drink. It's been working well so far!
Ummmm yeah, can't think of what other Bikram-related fascination minutia I wanted to share with you beautiful people, but I'll try not to stay away for so long...

Boredom

Two posts in one day? Who do I think I am - a real blogger? :) Kidding. What I want to address in this post is boredom. I got this comment from Serena today...

I have a random question. But when you started doing lots of yoga, probably about a year in, did you get insanely bored?
I just finished a 30 day challenge on July 1st. I got super sick and was out for a good 2 weeks, and now I can barely get myself to the studio because I am so bored. I find myself hating the class when I'm in it, but I love how it helps my body. I am wondering if you have any advice!

Do I get insanely bored in class sometimes? Or most of the time? HELLS YES! Personally I think being bored and being unplugged is probably one of the best things about Bikram yoga for me. I find that I'm rarely bored any more - I soothe myself with technology and entertainment pretty much my whole life. If I go to the gym, I watch tv while on the treadmill. If I go for a walk, I have my ipod. If I'm in line at the bank, I have my phone out. I'm on email pretty much all day at work. Basically Bikram yoga (and the take off and landing part of a flight) are the only places where I can truly unplug. Yes, there are times when the 90 minutes feels like 90 hours, but my mind always feels more clear afterwards. Occasionally I love doing the yoga just for the joy of the poses, but for the most part, being a yogi just makes me a better person in the rest of my life. Like Serena, I love how it helps my body, but it also helps my mind.

Ok, so I've babbled about boredom and how boredom is good even though it sucks during class... now let's talk about how I've actually dealt with the boredom. I've done quite a few things including:

1. taking time off from my mat. My practice (and blogging) tends to be sporadic. Since becoming a yogi, I've run a half marathon, dabbled in various gym workouts and brief flirtation with Crossfit, and have had months where I just drank beer and didn't exercise. I think it's fine to take time off and do other things - Bikram is a very time consuming practice. I understand the 90 minutes of poses is awesome but sometimes I get why people go to 60 minute non-Bikram hot classes.

2. bribed myself with lululemon clothes, enchiladas, beer. This isn't something I'm proud of but I have bought new yoga clothes to get myself pumped for class. I often get enchiladas from the rad mexican place in my 'hood, but ONLY after yoga! And I've used the fact that I did (or was going to do yoga the next day) to justify high calorie beverages.

3. tried to be zen and consider the class a moving meditation. I am by no means a Buddhist but there are many aspects of the Buddhist tradition that I enjoy. One quote that sticks with me is "Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood carry water." So the way I apply that to Bikram practice is that it's the chopping wood and the carrying water. It's a practice and there is no destination that we reach where we don't need to do this practice. So even if the day comes where I can do a pretty standing head to knee, I'll still go through the poses. (Note: this is tongue in cheek - I know standing head to knee is not enlightenment.)

4. try to only take class from teachers who i like. I know that all teachers have something to offer us as yogis, but OMFG there are a few annoying teachers who I have encountered in my 3+ years of yoga. If I go to a teacher I like, it helps me be in a better place mentally. I trust them to get me through class and I'm happier on the journey.

If I think of anything else, I'll definitely post about it. But yes, boredom is real. Bikram is time consuming and intense. And my dear Serena, you are definitely not alone :)