Class 53 + Class 54 + nip it in the bud, bud

Did Class 53 first thing yesterday morning. The wonderful Jenn was teaching and the room was pleasantly hot and overall it was a pretty great class. Yay for that! I think I needed a little break from my regular studio so all 3 of my classes this weekend were done at the "other" studio. I had rad instructors for all three classes and I was feeling good so I was a very happy yogi! My teacher today was a new to me guy teacher. He started off class by saying that his new Speedo is really small and he hoped we wouldn't be too distracted by it! TOO FUNNY! He added in quite a few funny little comments. One of them was about falling into bad habits in the postures and he said that the thing to do is just nip it in the bud, bud. Ok, not a super hilarious joke, but almost anything is funny in the yoga room if you're used to taking class from SternYogi and friends. I want to take more classes from this guy even though the studio he usually teaches at doesn't have showers and it's hard to find parking nearby.
For those of you keeping track at home, today is day 59. That means we've only got one more day of yucky emotional yoga. I for one am looking forward to moving on to day 60-90. What happens then? Well, according to Mary Jarvis, "Day 60 -90, your body shape seems to suddenly change at an exponential rate, though you may not notice. These are the days when you start to hear all the “Wow, you look great! What are you doing?” comments. These 30 days are usually your best 30 days." AWESOME! Read more here... http://www.globalyoga.biz/100_Yoga_Days.html

Class 51 + Class 52 + maybe Mary Jarvis was right about the emotional thing...

Didn't practice on Wednesday due to margaritas with a friend. We had a great conversation and it was just what I needed. I'm thankful for the interesting people I've met over the past few years. I still consider the people I've met since moving back here after grad school my "new" friends even though some of them I've now known for almost 4 years. I guess margaritas were my yoga on Wednesday!
I did class 51 before work yesterday. It was sooo tough. I felt incredibly stiff and I attributed that to the fact that it was 6am. I just felt like i couldn't relax into the postures - everything was tough. I laid down on my mat at one point not because I was tired but because I was frustrated. I was started to think that this whole challenge is futile...
And then I went to class tonight at a different studio with one of my favorite teachers. IT WAS SO GOOD! I've never gone back that far in half moon backwards, I did everything including toe stand, I was able to get my butt down in fixed firm... IT WAS TOTALLY DIFFERENT BECAUSE IT WAS HOT! If I needed proof of the power of the heat, I have it now! I think the heat must be fucked up at my home studio. Looks like I'll be practicing elsewhere this weekend.
In other news, the past few weeks have been really emotional for me. I think I'm mostly just posted about my frustration here and the more negative stuff... but if I look back at the past month or so, I can see a real difference in my emotions. I went through a really hard time personally and professionally over the past few years and I was totally "that girl" for a while - the one who would cry all the time. I feel sorry for my friends because I was not much fun to hang out with for quite some time... then after that, for the past year or so, I just got kind of numb. I didn't cry all the time, but I wasn't feeling much. I feel like over the past few weeks, I've started feeling things more. I'm starting to make sense of things that have and haven't happened for me. I'm starting to love music again. I almost cried when I was listening to the Owl City album the other day and it's just a bunch of autotuned Postal Service-esque crap. I know that I've been saying for a while that I'm ready to make changes and move on and get out of my rut and have fun again... but it's gotta be real this time or else I'm going to have to really lower my expectations for life!
I know I'm babbling... this is the emotional stuff I was talking about! If today is class 52 and I'm 5 classes behind, then day 60 is coming up soon. I'm ready to move on from this emotional stuff and move on to whatever else Mary Jarvis says is coming up...

Class 50 + not quitting but not totally committed to another 50...

CLASS 50! Went to the class right after work which as per usual was crowded and kind of a clusterfuck. But who cares?!? IT'S CLASS 50!!!!
I'm going to take the day off tomorrow in order to meet up with one of my pals after work, but I will get back on my mat the next day. And the day after. I just can't commit to every day.
I'm not quitting but I'm not quite doing the challenge either. I guess that sort of is quitting but what I mean is that my goal is still a daily practice - I'm just not going to prioritize that over the rest of my life. So I'm thinking 5-6 classes a week is where I'll land. That would put me somewhere around 82-89 classes in the 101 days. No, it's not 101, but I feel like I could still hold my head up high with a number like that.
So that's the new plan. BIKRAM 89 FTW!

Class 49 + maybe it was the class I needed to have

Wanted to get up and go to 6am yoga this morning, but I didn't sleep well last night so it just wasn't happening. Ended up at the class right after work which tends to be a clusterfuck these days. It came through in that department tonight. There were 50+ people there. As I laid down on my mat a few minutes before the start of class, the room felt strange. Oh yeah, that would be because the room wasn't actually hot. When the door opened as people came into the room, the breeze felt cold and not in a good way. I'm not sure if the teacher didn't notice that it was cold or if the heater isn't working well, but either way, by the end of class it was humid but never got to the kind of heat us Bikram yogis know and love. I was talking about it with some regulars after class. One woman pointed to the top of my head and mentioned how my hair was still dry! My bendyness was severely hampered by the cold. Even in camel, I didn't feel warmed up. I sat out some postures, I daydreamed, I anticipated postures and thought about life outside the room - I did all of the things you're not supposed to do! But physically it was an "easy" class because I just wasn't pushing and stressing and sweating it out. It wasn't a fun class either, but maybe it was the class I needed today.

Class 48 + i am in a MOOD

Did class 48 tonight. Jenn was teaching. I heart Jenn. First half of the class was fine - Jenn made some jokes, I did everything except toe stand due to my jacked up knee - second set of tree instead, everything was a-ok. Then the floor just sucked ass. I basically lost all focus - Jenn had to talk me into a second set of camel. After class I went to the natural grocery store near the yoga studio. I hate that place. Every time I go there, I get annoyed by the other customers and the staff. Tonight was especially bad because I saw one of my ex's best friends. I was already in a bit of a mood from yoga and seeing her just pushed me over the edge into being in even more of a mood. I know that there are 12 people in Seattle and I know that I could have just as easily run into someone I know and like, but that did not help my mood.
I'm pretty much over this yoga challenge. I know that Mary Jarvis says that this is the mental part of days 30-60, but how do I know that it's just that?!? I'm starting to wonder if I should be getting back to my real life. I don't have a lot going on these days besides yoga and work... During the week, I'm busy enough, I'm tired enough to fall asleep at the end of the day, I don't really have to think about my lack of big picture career focus, my lack of a life partner, my lack of kids, pets, mortgage, etc. My work BFF gave me a talking to the other day. It was some stuff I didn't want to hear but probably needed to hear. Yes, a 101 day yoga challenge is a great thing to do but not if I'm hiding out in said yoga challenge and avoiding things like dating and having a social life. Not sure whether it's more brave to try to tough it out through the next 50-ish days of this challenge or whether it's more brave to walk away from the challenge and try to get some balance back in my real life...
Sorry to be all doom and gloom about Bikram101 in this post. I appreciate all of your comments here and all of the support I've gotten on Twitter from my fellow yogamaniacs! You guys and girls are awesome and I never would have gotten this far without you!!!

Class 47 + thank goddess for organic chocolate milk

Last night as I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, my calves started cramping. It was painful like whoa. I went to the kitchen and due to the lack of coconut water, I grabbed some organic chocolate milk. It was quite yum and seemed to make the cramps go away. Fast forward to this morning... I slept in until 9:30 which is super late for me. I felt like crap when I woke up. I had little to no energy. I remembered sneezing at my desk at work yesterday. I started to wonder whether I'm getting sick, but I hauled my sorry ass out of bed anyway. Clearly it was too late to make it to 8am or 10am yoga and noon yoga was out due to a prior commitment so my only option was 5pm class...

And I would just like to state for the record that I f-ing hate Saturday 5pm yoga. It's depressing and tends to bring out the weirdos. The girl next to me kept making noises. At first I thought she sounded like she was going to throw up. Then it sounded like she was crying. Then it sounded like she was having an orgasm. She rounded out her performance by sounding like she was having an asthma attack. Awesome.

My own performance is class was nothing to brag about but I don't think it was super disruptive. I sat out some postures because I was oh so tired. Basically I was not a happy camper!

So yes, I continue to struggle with my practice. Or am I struggling with the mental aspects? I'm not sure. I will ponder that while I listen to the Cold War Kids, quilt, eat tortilla chips and drink chocolate milk.

Class 46 + maybe I'm ready to get back to the real world...

Class 46 was crazy intense. It was hot hot hot. First timers were hating life - the teacher let one of them leave the room. Someone else was freaking out and the teacher left the room to grab a vitamin water for her. My own practice was filled with highs and lows. The uber-heat made me feel more flexible than usual and I feel like I'm finally seeing some improvement in some postures - half moon backwards, balancing stick, final stretching.
From a physical perspective, I like practicing daily, but the routine of a daily practice is killing me. @ilovesweat likes to joke that his life is bikram laundry tanning. Substitute work for tanning (and add in a splash of junk food) and that's pretty much my life right now. Compared to a lot of the hardcore Bikramites doing this challenge, I'm a baby yogi. I generally see Bikram yoga as something that helps me with the rest of my life, but right now the rest of my life seems to be shrinking away and it's bumming me out.
I miss my friends. I miss tv. I miss my craft projects. I miss trying to play chords on my guitar.
I love the yoga but unless I can get myself to 6am yoga regularly during the week, I'm not really seeing how I'm going to make it to 101! Evening classes suck up too much of my time!
So I guess the plan is to practice in the morning, bribe myself with some new yoga clothes from Lululemon and buy a case of Zico.

Class #44 and Class #45 + trying to get focused...

I practiced last night after work. It was one of my least preferred teachers. She seemed totally spacey last night. It was crowded, lots of new people and lots of people left the room. After class, lots of people were complaining about the "bad energy" in the room. It was one of those classes that made me think that I need to stop practicing at the class right after work. It's so crowded that you have to push through people to find room to put your stuff down in the locker room, you wait in line for the bathroom, wait in line for water, try to strategize to get a spot in the room that doesn't suck... basically by the time class even starts, you've already done too much "work"!
Fast forward to 6am this morning... except for the part where there was frost on my car which I had to scrape - guess it is still February - there were no hassles at yoga. Yeah, I was tired and still and joked with the teacher that I had to keep telling myself to gambatte (Japanese for persverance/guts) but I didn't have to deal with any of the pre-class aggravation. Yes, I'm trying to sell the class to myself, too - getting up at 5:30am doesn't come so naturally to me!
As we get really really close to the halfway point of this challenge, I'm in awe of what we're doing... yet there is part of me that wonders whether I've learned enough from this. Is it time to do those other things I want to do or to tough this out for the next 52 days?
This might just be tiredness and hunger talking right now so don't take my talk of quitting too seriously :)

Class 43

Did not enjoy Class 43. Went to the late class. Didn't want to be there. Never really got into the groove of class, but when I woke up this morning, I felt really good. I guess that's one thing to keep in mind - even when class isn't great, you're still getting the benefits of the yoga.

Class 42 + if you're going to practice this yoga...

Ugh. Bad class today. I arrived at the studio super early because I drove to work instead of taking the bus due to free street parking near by office because of the "holiday." I say "holiday" because obviously I didn't have the day off! So after getting changed and putting my mat down, I had about 22 minutes to kill. UGH! Practiced near Jenn who as we all know is a kick ass yogi. I am inspired by her strength and focus. As I was fidgeting with my pigtails, shirt, etc., she was just looking into her own eyes. Jenn for the win! And yes, I would like to note that I have been called out by both Jenn and Robert, another teacher, for fixing my hair between postures. Need to work on that :)
Today's class was so bad that I was forced to remind myself of what my running trainer used to say. As long as there are good runs (or in this case, classes) in recent memory, there is no need to worry! Also the teacher I had today for class (who is one of my favorites) said that in order to do this yoga for months or years, we have to be ok with ourselves. (I'm paraphrasing here so no exact quotes.) Our body isn't going to be the same every class so in order to do the yoga, we have to accept what we can do this day, in this class. It was something I really needed to hear as I was struggling in class. I think it was a combination of my routine being off (arriving too early) and the fact that I was stiff from not practicing yesterday. Here's to hoping for a better class tomorrow!